Iman naik turun. Yes its within our control, tpi rasa mcm out of control. But whatever it is, hamdan lillah ive already took a big step away from my past. Ofcourse rasa happy sgt, for once i think i deserve all this happiness despite everything that ive went through.
But biasalah lumrah kehidupan, takkan happy as a whole punye. In between that, i guess im losing a lot of 'friends'. Yknow, real friends dont leave you. Instead they'll always be behind you despite anything. In my case, ive changed physically. Why? I dont have a complete + logic + relevant reason why, but mostly because i want to be myself. Nak stop berlakon jadi baik depan orang, bila dekat belakang everything's not as what people expect it to be. Bukan nak cakap all this while ive been acting up who i am, tapi rasanya nak kuatkan asas dulu sebelum nak cantikkan and perfect kan luaran. Taknak image dh nampak baik, tapi dalaman banyak lagi kekurangan and kelemahan.
I more prefer, kuatkan dalaman dulu, baru naik atas pelan-pelan. Biar perubahan sikit-sikit tu lebih diberkati Allah and lebih kekal, dari nak berubah drastic lepastu pelan-pelan mundur sebab dalaman belum kuat. Peduli lah orang nak cakap ape, nak buat ape, niat berubah kerana Allah je bukan manusia. Because in the end, baik ke jahat ktrg, manusia mesti ada je yg tak puas hati. After going thru semua ni, Alhamdulillah ive understand things better.
Put all the negativity behind, and focus more on the positive things. Productivity tu semua kita simpan je, biar Allah je yg nampak and tahu.
Peduli lah kalau orang nak tinggalkan kite, just because kite ni nampak jahat. Kite ni bukan dijamin syurga kan, yang kite boleh rasa diri all baik and look down on others. Once ive reached the point, aku dh takkan kesahkan orang-orang ni pun. I'll choose those who stay with me thru out. Family, yes i know they'll always have my back.
"O Allah, ease every of my affairs. You know better than what they know, and certainly You know everything that anyone does not know."
